The end of a relationship often stirs up emotions and sometimes getting rid of the trauma of breakup is not an easy task, but it is necessary and requires patience. Regardless of the reason for the breakup, it is necessary to have the “wounds” healed to allow oneself to live new experiences and, who knows, to engage in a new relationship. “You may feel ‘logically’ open to dating, but you may not have the emotional capacity for it,” Morgan Anderson, a clinical psychologist, explains to “Yahoo Life.”
According to the expert, the lack of emotional capacity is typically linked to the fear of getting hurt, rejection or that the new relationship will end just like the previous one. Although common, these unconscious feelings can sabotage your emotions and the way you think and view dating.
How to heal from the old relationship
The best way to overcome the past and allow yourself to new experiences is to invest in yourself, in your self-esteem, in your own joy and enjoying your new phase with yourself. No relationship should be the reason for your happiness, but its multiplication. Single or not, you need to value yourself and believe in your own potential.
Second, the psychologist highlights the need to cut ties from previous relationships. “When we carry emotional junk around and don’t hand it over to its intended recipient, we block our ability to be present in new relationships,” she explains.
Recognizing your emotional space is also essential. Everything is a matter of time and you have to respect it. “Validate your experience and allow yourself to honor whatever needs you have. Invalidating yourself by saying ‘You should have gotten over this relationship by now’ will only slow down your healing process,” warns Morgan.
How to be ready for a new love
The psychologist reinforces that when she doesn’t take care of herself or doesn’t let go of previous relationships, there is no energy to maintain a successful new relationship.
To prepare yourself, ask yourself a few questions about your past experiences, such as: ‘what didnt work?’; ‘what do I want this time?’; ‘what are my non-negotiable and negotiation impediments?; and think about the most important requirements you look for in a partner: is it respect, fun, adventure, loyalty, reciprocity?
After following all the steps, to know if you are open to a new love, it is necessary to recognize if you are really present in this feeling and relationship. “When you go on a date and feel a genuine curiosity about the other person, which is where the connection can lead, it’s a good sign that you’re ready to date,” she says.
Finally, the psychologist reinforces that you should never compare people and relationships. “Just because a relationship ends, you’re not a failure. When you see others around you getting engaged or getting married, wish them luck and celebrate. When you celebrate the love you see around you, you are affirming that love is also available to you.”